This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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