Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
