just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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