I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
