So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
