Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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