APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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