Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
