its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
