I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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