Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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