Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm really busy with my period
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