this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
