flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
