Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
