Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
