Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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