How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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