Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
