I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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