Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
