1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
