Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
