My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
