he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
