She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Randomize
