Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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