Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
