im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
