Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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