I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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