I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
