therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
