I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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