So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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