My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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