Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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