You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
