come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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