Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
