Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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