i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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