I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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