Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
