I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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