I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
