hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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