turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
