He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
