if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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