I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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