I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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