I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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