look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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