I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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