Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
