One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
