dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
