we have officially lost it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont even know how to be here
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
