The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
