I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
