Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
