there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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