Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
