I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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