You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
