I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
