I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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