we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
