Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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